


Finding the Words

by Deanne Gabriel (youtomyme)



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M, Organized Crime, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:26:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9631514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youtomyme/pseuds/Deanne%20Gabriel
Summary: Daniel had always been happy simply accepting whatever life handed him. Until he met Sebastian Clements, head of the rival family to Daniel's own, who proceeded to ruin everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [adustyspectacle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adustyspectacle/gifts).



The first time Daniel met Sebastian Clements was during a gang shoot-out. Daniel had a personal stake in the fight because it was the Fiala family, his family, that was being shot at, and Sebastian had a personal stake in the fight because it was his family that was doing the shooting.

Daniel was a nobody in the Fiala family. As a teenager, he had been abandoned by his parents when they fled to escape a charge of bankruptcy, and the son of a subordinate had brought him back to the Fiala family. They did not become his family in the traditional sense, but he was accepted. The Fiala family had a policy of treating every member the same, and even the head himself showed kindness to him on the rare occasion that they met. For that, Daniel swore his loyalty to them. He made himself useful by becoming a clerk - in reality, a glorified errand boy - but he was happy to be of service.

Yet only a few years after he reached adulthood, he broke his oath, and what for? For a stranger who had offered him a job on nothing more than a whim, of whom he personally knew next to nothing.

Tensions between the Fiala family and the Clements family had boiled for almost two years, and the shoot-out was just one small eruption of the pot. It was not even the heads themselves who started it. There was a meeting in the abandoned underground tunnels of the city, for a conference to redraw lines and boundaries, meetings that had almost become routine with how often the families accused each other of encroaching onto their respective territories. Someone had lost their temper - who it was didn’t really matter. There could be no doubt that both parties were glad to have an excuse to take their frustrations out on each other.

Of course, Daniel was not directly involved in the meeting itself, but it was practically custom for families to bring more of their number than necessary as a boast of strength. At the first gunshot crack, Daniel dived for cover. Having never been trained in arms, it was his job to hide himself and stay out of the way until things calmed down, and he was more than happy to follow protocol.

He found himself in a room that must have served a purpose, once upon a time, but the furniture was now too much in ruins to even guess what it had been for. Wood and plastic lay in heaps, and Daniel sat down behind one to wait.

His blood froze when the door burst open, and he almost stopped breathing altogether. The newcomer took no such precautions for several moments, panting and breathing heavily, and then they quietly closed the door. Daniel forced himself to take long, slow breaths to stop himself from trembling as the stranger picked their way over the debris. But he need not have bothered. The stranger stumbled across him anyway.

Any hopes Daniel had that they might be one of the Fiala family were instantly dashed - it was Sebastian Clements, the young head of the family himself. Daniel paled and could not even think what to do or say.

'Oh ... sorry,' Sebastian said. 'I didn't realise there was someone here. You don't mind, do you? I just need to take a breath and reload.'

Daniel wondered if Sebastian had mistaken him for one of the Clements family, but the thought brought him no comfort. He was an awful liar, and his heart was beating so fast, he could not have made himself act relieved for anything. Fortunately, Sebastian did not appear to expect anything from him.

'Don't look so afraid,' Sebastian chuckled, though somewhat breathlessly as he reloaded his gun. His fingers shook slightly, but probably from adrenaline than from nerves. 'You're a clerk, right? It's against the rules to deliberately hurt anyone unarmed, and I don't want to shoot anyone except anyone who shoots any of my men, and Fiala himself.'

'How noble of you,' Daniel said, meaning to sound sincere, but to his horror he only sounded sarcastic. Sebastian's grin did not even flicker.

'If it makes you feel any better, it's not because it's against my code or anything like that. It's just that killing is so _crude,_ and it'll make business difficult later, if I end up with any innocent blood on my hands.'

Not trusting himself to say any more, Daniel nodded.

'What will you do if I kill Fiala?' Sebastian said with terrifying calm.

Sure now that Sebastian had made no mistake, and, more importantly, that he would not be hurt, Daniel let himself say, 'His son will take over, and I will follow him as I did his father.'

'I see.' Sebastian nodded, tucking his gun into an inside pocket. ‘If I were you, I would ask for a job with me. But maybe I’m biased.’

Daniel blinked. Was that true self-absorption, or merely a joke?

‘What’s your name?’ Sebastian said. 

No question could have shocked Daniel more. The head of the Clements family even _thinking_ to politely ask the name of a mere clerk from his rival family was a thought entirely absurd in Daniel's mind. He was sure that, for all their kindness to him, there were only three people in the entire Fiala family and their subordinates who knew his name.

'It's - I'm - er ...' Daniel swallowed, already sure that Sebastian had lost interest and would leave without even a goodbye, but Sebastian only looked up from straightening his jacket with a curious expression. 'I'm ... D-Daniel W-Waterman.'

'Pleased to meet you,' Sebastian said, smiling like he meant it. 'Er, you know who _I_ am, right?' Daniel nodded. 'Right. Well, don’t forget what I said about coming to work with me. I hope I'll see you again, Daniel.'

Sebastian whisked himself away, leaving Daniel in shock. He had never formed any real opinion of Sebastian Clements before, only despising him on principle. Yet, Sebastian had exceeded all his non-expectations. He was not cool and aloof in personality, like the head of the Fiala family or any of his sons, and if Daniel had not seen him in passing before, he would never have guessed that he was the head of anything at all.

For a few moments, he could only feel contempt for Sebastian. He was nothing like a family head should be, so unlike the cool, controlled management of the Fiala head. Then he remembered that Sebastian had asked his name, and felt a niggling doubt. It was ridiculous to be so awed by such a simple, common question.

It was a long time before Daniel was brave enough to venture outside and wander home. No one had been looking for him, so he had not been missed - but Daniel did not feel neglected. It was the same for most other orphans and runaways adopted by the Fiala family. He soon caught the news: the head of the Fiala family had been killed, and his son was to take his place. He crept away to grieve alone.

Even if Sebastian hadn’t been the one to pull the trigger after all, it made no difference. He had as good as killed Fiala himself. Daniel had not known the Fiala head or any of his personal family, but he had been the one to give him a home, and he mourned the death of a man who had been everything to him. There was nothing more precious to him than the second chance he had been given.

At least, that was what he kept telling himself. The longer he sat alone with his thoughts, the more he burned with curiosity about Sebastian Clements. Undoubtedly he had only been joking in inviting Daniel to work with him, merely showing off his own power, and Daniel knew nothing of him except what his own family had told him. Yet his heart beat in his ears whenever he thought of him.

The Fiala Manor was in chaos for days, and Daniel could find nowhere to be useful. He was not the only one, but the more time he had to himself, the more he thought about Sebastian. If he had a friend in the manor to whom he could speak about his doubts, he might have found some comfort, but he had none. His thoughts were left free to roam. 

After two days, he couldn't stand it anymore. No one would even give him work to distract his mind. It was a strange mood that seized him and urged him to seek out the Clements family, but he thought if he could just _see_ Sebastian, then he would know. Perhaps he would not even have to go that far. Let him see how inferior the Clements family was to the Fiala family, even in the Fiala family's state of chaos, and he would feel happy.

He knew where the Clements Estate was, having in the past been part of the head's company to conferences there. Normally he would have hesitated at the entrance, and probably even simply turned away at the last moment, as unsatisfied as it would have leave his heart. But the strange mood carried him through the gate to the grounds. At the door, a guard stopped him.

'I would like to see Sebastian Clements, please,' Daniel said. 

'Does he want to see you?'

Despite being a member of a mafia family for almost ten years, Daniel had never learnt to really lie, and it did not occur to him to say anything other than, 'I don't know.'

The guard snorted. 'Stop wasting my time.'

'I really need to see him,' Daniel said, with patient firmness. 'Please get someone to tell him I am here, and let him be the judge.'

'Do I need to tell you twice?' the guard growled. His expression might yet be impassive, but Daniel knew the man could take out his gun and shoot him before he could ever register the movement. Yet for better or for worse, Daniel was immune to the threat of guns, and he only felt frustrated. He _couldn't_ go back now, but he was not getting anywhere arguing with the guard.

Happily, luck was on his side for a change. Before the guard could utter any more warnings, the door opened and Sebastian himself stepped outside, a beagle at his heels. The dog bounded off, leaping and barking for the joy of space, and Sebastian started at the sight of Daniel.

'Oh, hello,' Sebastian said. 'I know you, don't I? Er, that clerk from the Fiala family ... um ...'

That should have instantly made Daniel sure. Sebastian didn't even remember his name. But Daniel was arrested by the sight of the Clements family head in a T-shirt and jeans, clearly about to simply take a relaxing walk with his dog.

'Daniel Waterman ... sir,' Daniel said, ignoring the way both guards tensed at the mention of his alliance with the Fiala family. 'I wanted to ... see ... you ...'

'Really?' Sebastian's expression brightened as if he was being asked to lunch by an old friend. 'Changed your mind about the job, perhaps? Alright, come and walk with me then.'

'Would that be alright?' Daniel said, passing the guards a cold glance.

'Shake the man down, Harris,' Sebastian said to the guard who had done all the talking. 'Though I have no doubt you won't find anything. He can't hurt me, and I'm sure he wouldn't even if he could, right?' He gave a Daniel a warm smile that was absolutely infuriating.

'What can I do for you then, Daniel?' Sebastian asked once Daniel had been declared clean and they set off to stroll around the estate grounds. 'How is the Fiala family doing?'

'I am sure you can guess,' Daniel replied, somewhat flatly. It was impossible to feel like Sebastian was sincere. 'I wish there was something I could do to help, but I seem to only get in the way.'

'It's like that during times like these,' Sebastian nodded. 'A stable organisation needs a hundred people to keep it upright, but a change of authority only needs a new man in charge and a few trusted counsellors. Even some of the previous counsellors will be feeling useless at this time.'

Daniel did not know that. He turned the thought over in his mind.

‘I’m sure things will go back to almost perfectly normal soon,’ Sebastian said, watching Daniel’s expression. ‘Though it might be hard for a while. Is there anything I can do to help you during this time?’

‘Can you tell me why you’re so concerned?’ Daniel asked, turning to meet his eye.

To his surprise, Sebastian blushed. ‘Is “I’m a caring person” not a good enough answer?’ he said meekly. Daniel shook his head. ‘But it’s the only answer I have.’

‘You’re too violent to be a caring person.’ It was not a bold thing to say, in Daniel’s opinion. Mafia bosses were usually happy to be violent people.

‘That’s not true!’ Sebastian protested. ‘I may be slightly prejudiced towards outsiders, but I care about everyone in my family!’

‘Then how do I fit in? Are you just being polite?’

‘I care about innocent people as well,’ Sebastian said quickly. ‘I’m responsible for all the citizens in my area as well, amn’t I? That’s why my family was originally formed.’

Yes, it was well-known that the Clements family saw themselves as guardians of the area. The Fiala family lived inside the area, but their rivalry came from business, not from a fight for the Clements’ territory. It made sense for Sebastian to see innocent clerks of the Fiala family as part of his responsibility. Yet, this only registered in the back of Daniel’s mind. All he could think of in that moment was that he had never had the opportunity to speak to the head of the Fiala family in this casual, open manner. He never would have dared even ask for it.

‘If the head of the Fiala family asked to be taken under your protection as citizens of your territory, would you accept it?’ Daniel said.

‘Of course. On my own terms.’

‘In other words, no.’

‘Well, I’m open to negotiations.’

‘What are your terms for other members of the Fiala family?’

‘Is that more than just a hypothetical question?’ Sebastian said brightly. ‘Mostly I just want you to swear your loyalty to me. I can’t give you a king-sized suite off the bat, of course, but we can work something out. For you, Daniel,’ Sebastian stopped in his tracks and lay a hand on Daniel’s shoulder, ‘I have a special offer. I’d like you to be my personal secretary. What do you think?’

Daniel’s jaw dropped. ‘ _What_?’

‘Am I too forward?’ Sebastian said, some of the blush returning, though he did not look away from Daniel’s eyes. ‘I am sure we will work well together.’

‘You don’t even know me! I could be an absolutely hopeless clerk for all you know.’

‘You might also be completely out of my league, for all I know,’ Sebastian answered calmly.

‘If I were, I would be more than an expendable staff member in the Fiala family.’

‘Not at all. I always thought Fiala was a terrible judge of character.’

The insult to his own family did not work in Sebastian’s favour. Daniel said irritably, ‘If you’re hoping to get any family secrets out of me, don’t bother. I don’t know any.’

‘I’m not interested in your alliance with the Fiala family, apart from the fact that it’s an obstacle in my way to having you for myself. It’s you as you are who I’m interested in.’

‘You don’t know me as I am.’

‘I want to find out.’ Sebastian gave him a smile full of self-assurance. ‘Sleep on it. You’ll be welcomed the next time you come here, no matter how long it takes.’

It only took three days. Despite all of Daniel’s objections, as soon as he left Sebastian’s company, he yearned to be with him again. His conversation with Sebastian had not made his own thoughts any clearer. He only knew now that he wanted Sebastian to talk to him directly again, to smile at him again as if he was a friend. 

Sebastian was delighted, and Daniel became a member of the Clements family with almost alarming quickness. No one in the Clements family disapproved once Sebastian accepted him, and no one in the Fiala family seemed to notice or care.

Of course, being the personal secretary to a mafia boss came with many more benefits than being a mere clerk in another’s staff, but Daniel still often thought of the Fiala family. He felt like an ungrateful wretch. The Fiala family had given him everything, and Sebastian had almost taken it all away. But the longer he stayed with Sebastian, the more unbearable the thought of being away from him became.

He could not see anything to do about it, so he settled into his new role in the Clements family in this strange, conflicted state of mind.

-

Daniel always struggled with himself the most during and after dealing with matters involving the Fiala family. Fortunately, they did not make up even a tenth of his work, but it plagued him a great deal when it came up. Meeting with the new head of the Fiala family was always the worst. There was no escaping accompanying Sebastian as his assistant. The new Fiala head only gave sign of recognising Daniel once, his eyes flickering over Daniel during their first meeting, and he never reacted after that. But even a year later, the guilt could wrack Daniel a new after every encounter.

'Call up tea for two and join me in my office, Daniel,' Sebastian said as they entered the estate after a meeting. With a smile, he added, 'You've done well today.'

More than 12 months after leaving the Fiala family, Daniel was beginning to understand some new things. Like the fact that Sebastian was, objectively speaking, a better leader than Daniel had ever known in the Fiala family: though he did not insist on kindness in his subordinates as much as Fiala had, and he did not go to pains to pay attention to every member of the Clements family, he _did_ ensure from afar that every member and employee was taken care of, and he complimented Daniel so that he would always feel cherished and encouraged. The fact that the latter rarely worked was not a problem with Sebastian's leadership. It was just, Daniel realised, his own self esteem complex getting in the way.

'I meant for you to wait for the tea tray with me, you know,' Sebastian chuckled when Daniel came in holding the tray. 'Well, thank you. You don't mind joining me, do you?'

Daniel shook his head. He put the tray down on Sebastian's desk and sat opposite him. Sebastian smiled and poured for them both. 

'You know, it was your one-year anniversary of working with me two weeks ago,' Sebastian said, leaning back in his chair with his cup in his hands. Daniel did know, but he was surprised Sebastian remembered. He was usually forgetful of minor details.

'I didn't understand why you offered me a job at the time,' Daniel said. 'But I know now. You're just that impulsive.' 

'I don't regret it!' Sebastian protested. 'I remember because it was an important day to me. I'm really happy to have you now.'

For a few seconds, Daniel could only look at him with a faintly perplexed expression. 'Why?' he said.

'You had so many doubts about yourself at first, but you've since proven yourself wrong over and over again.' Sebastian's expression was warmer than Daniel had ever seen it, and it made him feel a peculiar ache inside. 'You're a capable employee and a good friend to me. I always look forward to my everyday work because of you.'

'Th-thank you,' Daniel mumbled, looking away as his face turned scarlet. 'I'm happy you're satisfied with my work.'

'I only wish you were as satisfied with me,' Sebastian said.

Daniel looked up in surprise. A blush was fading off Sebastian's cheeks - Daniel guessed he had praised him more than he meant to - and his smile had a touch of the melancholy. 'You might be annoyingly forgetful, but I don't have a problem with working for you,' Daniel said. 'What are you talking about?'

'I know you very often think of your past life with the Fiala family,' Sebastian said, to Daniel's shock. It had never occurred to him that Sebastian might know of his doubts. 'I'm very sorry that I can't live up to your ideal of a family head. I'll never be happy with myself until _you_ are.'

'It's - it's not like that,' Daniel stammered. 'I know that you're an excellent head - the best I've ever known. I'm - I am happy with how you treat me.'

'Then I'm glad for that,' Sebastian said, though his sad smile did not leave his face. 'But you're still unhappy with me.'

'I'm not unhappy,' Daniel said, though he was at that very moment, Sebastian's feelings of misery entirely his own as well. 'The job I have with you is good, and you treat me well. It's better than I ever had with the Fiala family.'

'And yet, you're not happy.'

'I don't know why I feel like that,' Daniel said in a small voice. 'I _should_ be happy, and I hate the thought of being away from you.'

'You might only feel like you can't be away from me because you've already committed yourself to me,' Sebastian suggested gently. 'Daniel, if you want to go back to the Fiala family ... I would let you. I will tell them that I forced you to work with me on a whim. Fiala won't mind accepting you back, and you would have a better position than you did before because of the knowledge you possess of me now.'

'If I go back to the Fiala family, I wouldn't tell them any of the secrets you have entrusted to me,’ Daniel said. There could be no doubt of _that_.

'It's very good of you to say that,' Sebastian said. Annoyance briefly flared within Daniel, but quickly died away to be replaced by his distress again. 'I won't hold it against you if you do though. It is a little true anyway, that I made you work with me, considering how quickly you came to your decision and the fact that you regret it now.'

Daniel did not _exactly_ regret it, but he had no other words for his feelings either.

'Does it upset you to know I feel this way?’ Daniel said. 'Do you want me to leave?'

'Your feelings do upset me,' Sebastian said. He paused, looking directly into Daniel's eyes, and Daniel felt as if those eyes were burning holes in his face. 'But I don't want you to leave.'

'Why not?' Daniel whispered, seared by the intensity of that gaze.

'Call it my impulsiveness,' Sebastian said. He closed his eyes and the anger that Daniel had felt just underneath the surface slid away. 'Never mind. Don't stay if you don't want to.'

'I don't know if I want to leave.' Daniel's voice sounded overly loud to himself. 'I don't understand why I feel this way. What if going back to the Fiala family doesn't help? When I ... when I first came to the estate that day ...' Sebastian's eyes opened, and Daniel was relieved by how much calmer he looked now, 'I was full of confused feelings. I thought seeing you would help me get rid of them and return to the Fiala family in peace, but I ended up working for you instead. I think I just - I just don't know what it is I really want ... and it's making me miserable.'

'Is there anything I can do to help you with that?' Sebastian said. 

It was almost exactly the same thing he had said when Daniel had first visited the estate. It comforted him a little, but he could only shake his head in reply.

'I've never really thought about what I want in life, and I was happy with taking what life gave me when I was a member of the Fiala family,' he said. ‘When I met you, I suddenly felt unfulfilled. Like I could be more, even though I'm such a nobody.'

'So you're saying it's my fault,' Sebastian said with a soft chuckle. 'Alright, I'm willing to do anything it takes to put your mind at ease to make up for it. But you're not a nobody. What will it take to convince you of that? Do you want to hear that you are useful, or that there is somebody who considers you important to them? You are both of those things to me.'

For a few moments, Daniel said nothing, frowning at the ground. The words sunk in slowly. All the while he had been by Sebastian's side, it had never occurred to him that Sebastian thought of him as more than one of his employees whenever he had complimented him or invited him out to lunch. Daniel knew he was useful, but he had not known that his usefulness made him important.

He looked up to answer, and stopped short as realisation hit him. If he was important to Sebastian, was Sebastian important to him? In a flash, every one of Sebastian's flaws came to his mind's eye: his inattentiveness, his sieve-like short-term memory, his casual friendliness to all ... his infuriating kindness. Of course Sebastian was important to him. Once, Daniel had thought of the personal importance of a person as being reliant on gratitude. But as much as Sebastian had given him, Fiala had given him almost the same. The reason Sebastian was important to him went further than that. He was a person who Daniel liked, and who, somehow, completely inexplicably, liked him back. That was why Daniel could never leave his side.

'Daniel,' Sebastian said. Startled out his thoughts, Daniel looked up as Sebastian stood and walked around the desk. Daniel stood up too, feeling confused. 'I'll do whatever I can to help you feel at peace with yourself. But I'd like to accomplish that without losing you.'

'It's okay,' Daniel said, taken aback. 'I won't leave you. I know now that I can't.'

'You most certainly can, whenever you wish. I'll never stop you.' Sebastian took another step closer. His expression was a strange mixture of sweet hope and bitter melancholy, but Daniel barely saw it. He was busy in aw of just how deep Sebastian's hazel eyes were, up close. 'And until you're sure of yourself, I'll never be satisfied that you really mean to stay with me.'

'And you say _I_ have self esteem issues.'

'I don't have self-issues, I have you-issues,' Sebastian said. 'You're always so worried about yourself, it makes me worried about you too.'

'I'm sorry about that,' Daniel said, but he was pleased. He had never felt pleasure that was entirely free of guilt or worry before. He did not know why he was feeling it now - only that it was something to do with Sebastian. 'I'm working on it.'

'What makes you think that you "can't" leave me?' Sebastian said.

'I ... just can't.' Daniel blinked. 'I ...'

'Is it because of the benefits you get from working with me? You have a problem with gratitude, you know. You think that it's everything - that just because someone has done something for you, you owe your life to them.'

Daniel blushed, feeling the truth of Sebastian's words, but he was annoyed at Sebastian's rapid, almost accusing, tone too. 'No, it's not because of that. I know that for sure.'

'Good,' Sebastian said, relaxing.

'What about _you_?' Daniel said quickly. 'Why are _you_ so insistent that I stay with you? It's not just because I'm your friend.'

'Why not?' Sebastian said, but Daniel could see that he had hit a mark.

'You have other friends, and you're not like this about them. It's more than just because I have a pathetic sense of self-worth.' Daniel had to force out the next words. 'I know you, you see.'

Sebastian blinked, taking an involuntary step backwards in surprise. Daniel began to be afraid that he had overstepped his boundaries, but then Sebastian burst into laughter.

'I hope so,' he said with a grin. 'That would ... yes, I hope you do, Daniel. If you knew me better, then I wouldn't have to explain, but ...' The smile dimmed a little. 'If you knew me better, you would probably have already left.'

Perhaps it was mere perverseness, but the more Sebastian doubted Daniel's resolution to stay, the more determined Daniel was to be unmovable. He said, ‘If you want me to believe in myself a little more, then perhaps you should place a little faith in me too.’

‘I trust you implicitly. It’s just that I wouldn't blame you for a moment if my reasons made you feel uncomfortable in my presence,' Sebastian replied. 

He gave Daniel a long, hard look. Daniel tried to look back steadily, but he couldn't help his eyes sliding off Sebastian's face after a few seconds. He couldn't even _begin_ to decipher that look. 

'Not because of my gratitude,' Daniel said after a moment, though he did not look back at Sebastian, 'but because of the way I esteem you, I will always want to live up to your expectations of me. So don't worry about changing my opinion of you.'

'Fine,' Sebastian said. Daniel looked up and saw Sebastian's soft smile trying to mask the nervous tension in his eyes. It was strange to think of himself as being capable of making Sebastian feel worried. 'You _better_ remember that I'm only telling you because you asked, understand? Not because I'm asking for anything from you.'

'Uh, alright.' 

'This is stupid,' Sebastian laughed sheepishly, irritating Daniel once more. 'It's not how I imagined telling you, and don't think that I don't realise how inappropriate it is, but ... well ...' He bit his lip and furrowed his brow. 'I don't know why - I mean, of course it's because I think you're a fantastic person who deserves everything, but - but - somehow -'

When nothing else was forthcoming, Daniel said, 'You're not done, are you? I'm afraid I didn't understand any of that. Least of all the bit about me "deserving everything". Even if you want me to work on my self-esteem,' he went on, too unnerved by Sebastian's silence to stop prattling, 'that seems to be going a bit too far. The only thing I can think of that I deserve right now is this week's wages - you're late, as usual -'

He was abruptly cut off by Sebastian placing his hands on his shoulders, and pulling him in for a kiss.

To say that Daniel had never been kissed in his life, or ever imagined the possibility, it was understandable that he could not think to react in any way at all. He merely froze under Sebastian's hands. The only thing he was aware of was the sensation of soft lips pressed against his own.

In just a few moments, Sebastian started back to himself and pulled back with a jerk, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. 

'S-sorry,' he stammered, stepping back. ‘I’m sorry. I didn't - uh ... I'm sorry -' He cleared his throat. 'Forgive me. I said I would answer your question without asking for anything from you, but I just did. I - I didn't mean to.'

It was a few moments before Daniel could recover enough to answer.

'You mean you just tripped or something and ended up - ended up doing that?' he said as innocently as he could muster.

‘Er, no, I … was caught up in the moment.’ Sebastian turned away. ‘I’m sorry, Daniel, please just forget -‘ He paused and gave Daniel a shrewd look sideways.

‘Yes?’ Daniel said.

‘You don’t actually mind, do you?’ Sebastian said with calmness so forced, it almost sounded like he was ready to burst into tears. ‘Is it because you are so indifferent to me that you don’t care how I feel for you, or is it because you simply don’t understand my feelings?’

As a matter of fact, the only reason Daniel wasn’t panicking was that Sebastian was doing all of the overreacting for him. It had never occurred to him that he might be in love with Sebastian, but it was like their kiss had opened up a door he had not noticed before. 

‘Can you kiss me again?’ he said.

Sebastian gave him a long, cool look. ‘I would accuse you of making fun of me, but I’ve never known you to tease anyone before.’

Daniel sighed and stepped forward to kiss Sebastian himself. Sebastian tried to move away, but Daniel placed his hands on his shoulders, holding him in place. To his delight, Sebastian gave in after several seconds and wrapped his arms around Daniel’s waist, leaning into the kiss. Here was something new an exciting, something so interesting that there could be no doubt in Daniel’s mind that he wanted to experience it to its fullest extent. 

When they parted, Sebastian began to say, ‘Please don’t -‘ but Daniel interrupted him.

‘I didn’t understand why I was so drawn to you from the moment we met,’ he said. ‘Perhaps it was because I was attracted you and I just didn’t know the words for it back then. What do you think?’

‘Er … I don’t know what I would have thought at the time, but -‘ Sebastian swallowed, and Daniel held on tighter in case he was thinking of making an escape. ‘I’d be pleased to think of that now.’

‘Then think of it as much as you like. I - I’m interested … in this.’ Daniel took in a deep breath. ‘I think - I think that this is what I want. If this is not the reason that I stay with you, then I want it to become the reason.’

‘I’m not very good with relationships,’ Sebastian said quietly. ‘For all the reasons you’ve already said. I’m forgetful, impulsive, and over-sentimental.’

‘So you’d rather not try?’

‘No!’ Sebastian said a little too loudly. He flushed and said in a more even tone, ‘That’s not what I meant. I want you to be aware of what you’re getting into.’

‘I already know all of those things about you. As a matter of fact -‘ Daniel hesitated. ‘Actually … I’m the one who should be saying that. I don’t know anything about relationships, and I didn’t know I wanted to be with you until this moment. I know you like me already, but I don’t - I don’t want you to realise someday just how boring and naïve I am.’

‘You see yourself so differently from the way I see you,’ Sebastian chuckled. It was a relief to have the cheerful, self-possessed Sebastian back. ‘Maybe if you give me a chance, I can show you just how brilliant you are in my eyes.’

For the first time that day, and perhaps even longer than Daniel could remember, Daniel smiled, an easy and relaxed smile. Sebastian’s expression lit up even more at the sight. 

‘If I’m capable of making you smile at me like that,’ Sebastian said, ‘I can believe myself capable of anything.’

‘You really are over-sentimental, making such a big deal out of nothing,’ Daniel said. But he didn’t stop smiling. 

‘And you have a lot of self-issues to work through, calling yourself nothing,’ Sebastian retorted. ‘It’s partly my responsibility to help you with that now, as your … boyfriend.’

Never before had Daniel had anyone really on his side, and never before had he thought that he really wanted one. Now that Sebastian was so close, he wondered how he had ever done without him.

‘I hope you won’t mind too much,’ he said seriously.

‘No, it’ll be my pleasure.’ Sebastian kissed his cheek, and Daniel sighed with content. It would still be a long time before he could truly feel settled and happy with himself, but he was happy. He knew where his place was at last.


End file.
